The bar based line separating the plastic establishment of chains such as Wetherspoons, Lloyds (strictly the same person – have you ever seen them both at the same time?) and All Bar One, from funky independent young Ben Eltons of boozetown is not an all together straight one. In fact it’s about as straight as a Graham Norton branded Slinky.

The Be @ One range, started out as an independent, Little Miss Sunshine of a pub/bar down in Battersea over ten years ago. From then on it’s proven so successful that they’ve opened more all around the city. Imagine the Little Miss Sunshine franchise bringing us LMS 6: Chronicles. Basically Hollywood hyped, pop-up, flat pack versions of the original. The little girl’s still in it, and she’s just as cute, but she’s a robot!

I visited one of the more central of the sequels, on Great Windmill St. under another person’s invitation. To be fair to the place it’s not bad. Not bad at all. It was a Saturday night, and I arrived at 8, so I wasn’t going to get a seat. But there was plenty of space to stand, comfortably hold my drink, as well as bring it up to my mouth without either spilling it all down myself, or the much worse option, spilling it down some psycho’s front, convincing him to push the glass through my nose in a scene to make Begbie wince.

The bar/company seems to pride itself on its abhorition for the ‘trendy wine bar’ claiming itself not to be another ‘design led style bar’. Yet all this really says is that Be @ One is neither trendy, stylish, nor designed well. It doesn’t make a bar pretentious just because it looks nice. It makes the clientele pretentious if the people drinking there… are pretentious. What it claims it does do well instead. Is make tasty drinks, and act friendly. Seems like a simple thing, and shouldn’t really be lauded, should be the first thing every bar gets right. However in London, it’s sad to note that this does make it somewhat of a special case.

So what have we got so far? Space? Good. Staff? Good. Looks like a shithole. Only it doesn’t the chain loves to boast how it’s in it for the customer, not to look good, but the place actually does look good. It looks like a trendy wine bar, it has the prices of a trendy wine bar, and it sells trendy wines. I hate to be the one to tell you this Be @ One, but you are a trendy wine bar! But that’s O.K.

What’s also O.K. is the music. That’s got to be my favourite thing about the place. I could spend all night in here, all the way through the wide range of styles they’ve got throughout the night, and I’d love every minute of it. Only trouble with it, is it’s dancing music. And although there’s enough space to take a sip of a drink without having to stand outside with the smokers and other pondlife, there’s nowhere near enough to swing the necessary 5 cats for me to get my groove on.

Another disadvantage (if we’re tallying) is that there could be all the space, and all the Michael Jackson tunes back in the charts as you like, I still wouldn’t be able to actually get up and dance. Reason? It’s far far far too hot to do anything other than lie under a fan in your loose pants and slap yourself like a teenage cameraphone enthusiast with a sodden flannel. I was in there in late September, in nothing more than a thin, loose T-shirt and their insurance claim form read ‘flood damage’ the next day.

BEER SELECTION: Not great. Only cheap lagers (at £3+) on tap. No cider. But cocktails and shooters aplenty. How is this not a trendy wine bar again? **

COST OF A ROUND: Over a £15 in most cases. It’s the cocktails that’ll do you, but they don’t really have anything worth it. Save it for 2-4-1 happy hour. **

STAFF: They pride themselves on the staff, who to be fair, are very fast, knowledgeable and friendly. *****

FOOD: Don’t think there is even a food menu. *

SKIRT RATIO: Not a bad a ratio, but I wouldn’t fancy your chances. Or would I just not fancy my chances? Depends how confident you are I suppose, lots to aim for, and the friendly, casual vibe atmosphere doesn’t hurt your game one bit. ****

Overall: Stats don’t look good, but if you can get over the beer and the price, the music and atmosphere make up for it. Personally, it’s only really worthwhile for pre-drinks, the heat makes it unbearable to stay for any more than a couple. **

Be @ One - Chinatown - Brought to you by James Wormald -