I could spend a year and a half talking about the technology that is 3-D, however the problems with that are numbered.

        1) It wouldn’t leave much room for an actual review of the film in this short section.

        2) It would most likely duplicate everything I’ve written in this week’s article, Life’s Better in 3-D. All right, I said they were ‘numbered’ not ‘many’. So onto a review of the actual film.

The absence of original ideas in recent cinema has been commented on before (by Gazz), Alice in Wonderland, is clearly not an exception, being both a previous film and obviously, book. It’s of no surprise that directing responsibilities would fall to the man behind the recent rebirths of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Sweeney Todd, and the future releases Frankenweenie (which to be fair, is a remake of his own Short Film), and The Addams Family. His last original film was Corpse Bride, 5 years and 4 films ago. Plus, the Lewis Carroll’s subject material is clearly suitably Burton-weird.

With only 3 human main characters, he didn’t have to even make usual difficult decisions like, ‘Who will Johnny Depp be?’ and ‘Who will Helena Bonham Carter be?’ Bonhham Carter is a good actress, remember Fight Club? She doesn’t seem to. Looking through her filmography, it’s easy to feel she’s making a mistake attaching so much of her career to that of her husband’s (she and Burton are Mr. and Mrs.) Her last live action feature, more than just a cameo, not involving Burton, was Fight Club (2 years before they met).

Whilst Alice in Wonderland is not an original story, what do you really remember of it? I knew there was a girl called Alice, falls down a rabbit hole into ‘Wonderland’, she meets some weird characters, mainly a rabbit, a ‘Mad Hatter’ and a smiling cat. There’s also a Queen of Hearts, who’s evil in some way. Everything else I could not recall, so it didn’t feel too unoriginal. Or is that just because I’m too used to adaptations?

There are certain constants you’d expect from any Burton-helmed adventure. The ‘look’ is as strange and detailed as normal, although not featured as much as anything in say, Charlie’s confectionary manufacturing factory, or Big Fish. Because Depp is involved, you’ll get his wonderfully off-centre performance, you’ll enjoy the brilliantly animated sights of Blue Caterpillar ‘Absolem’ (Alan Rickman), and Cheshire Cat ‘Chessur’ (Stephen Fry), both wonderfully pleasurable voices.

But there is something wrong… something niggling all the way through. It might be just me, others seemed to be enjoying it. It is a children’s / family film after all, and I’m neither a child, nor with my family. Finally, by the last scene before Alice leaves Underland (the real name of the place, which she gets wrong), I realised what was bothering me. It’s Alice. She’s so incredibly annoying. All the way through she seems to be whining about something or other. If she’s not having nightmares about Wonderland, someone’s proposing to her (poor mite). She complains people don’t believe she’s the right Alice, then complains when they think she is. She mopes about the place looking miserable and uncomfortable that she’s forever too small or too tall, then when given the chance to be a hero, told she’s fated to save the world (Underworld) and all she has to do is hold on to a sword, she moans about being cold and wanting some chips or something, moody bitch.